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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Boy, have I been screwing up!

I have failed terribly at keeping myself at bay with my healthy foods.  It began a couple weeks ago when we ate out.  I got healthy food compared to the rest of the gang.  Then, I took a bite of my partner's lunch and that was it. 

Salt, fat and sugar are like crack.  They are addicting.  I am an addict.  A food addict.  It seems that once those three vices move past my taste buds, down my throat and get transferred throughout my blood stream, I am as helpless as a junkie trying to give up their drugs.  My legs have since swollen up once again and my health has gone down.  I am presently on anti-biotics due to a severe ear infection.  This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't back tracked.  My immune system wouldn't have gotten weaker and I would have been able to keep myself healthy.

Now, I have gained back the water weight that I had lost.  My ankles are no where to be seen again and I feel pretty crappy.  I even broke down and got macaroni and cheese and hot dogs for my kids because I haven't been in the mood to cook healthy the past week.  Having no money doesn't help either. 

I have to get back to my resolve.  I have to.  I have to realize that this unhealthy eating is toxic to my mind and my body.  I loved feeling lighter and thinner even though I was still the size of a whale.  I felt less full.  Light on my feet and I had no ankle pain.  This is typical of me.  Throughout my whole life I have started out strong and weakened at the end.  My family isn't very enthusiastic about becoming healthy people.  This makes it very difficult for me. 

I need to look in the mirror each day and tell myself I am worth it.  I am worth it.  Maybe if I say it enough times, I will believe it.  Just maybe.

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