Take me back over 3 years ago and I am meeting the man that I am going to marry. Lo (short for his real name) and I have "buddied" around now for a couple months and have realized that our feelings for each other have grown into more than just "friend".
Lo breathes like Darth Vader. He has limited exertion ability and throughout his adult life, hasn't really taken care of himself physically. He sports a very buff physique from the factory work he does for a living; however, the physical I am referring to is the inside of his physical body. He was born with heart issues; two open-heart surgeries before the tender age of two. His mother, God Bless her, did all she could do to keep her son alive. Unfortunately for parents, once our children leave the proverbial nest, our ability to control the health and well being of our adult aged children leaves with our child.
I met Lo in his late 30's and me in my late 40's. I am seven years older than he is but physically, even though I have carried over 120 pounds too much on my 5'6" frame, I could outrun him to the end of the block. I made it clear, once we decided to take our relationship beyond the friendship stage, that I would not commit to anything until he saw a cardiologist to rule out major issues with his heart and his lungs. Did I ever open up a Pandora's Box! Regret? Not a bit.
As we sat in the new cardiologist's office, it was apparent that Lo was agitated. His mom sat with us, wringing her well worked hands together, shedding silent tears while bracing for the news. I could tell there was much that Lo hadn't told me at this point in our relationship. The actions displayed by his mom told me a lot. When the doctor entered the room, he sat down. This is always a red flag to me for this infers there is a lot to discuss.
The doctor explained that the entire, lower portion of Lo's heart wasn't functioning and by a miracle and the grace of God, his heart had reconditioned itself to function with only half. He stated that without a pacemaker, Lo would not live more than a couple years given his current condition. He also wanted Lo to see a lung specialist as he suspected multiple issues given his belabored breathing.
Lo, his mother and I sat silently in the waiting room for a few seconds. His mother began to cry, Lo got agitated over her concern as he began to feel guilty for putting his mother through this nightmare again and I looked at the man that I was falling in love with and wondered if I had done the right thing for any of us. Of course, deep down inside, I knew that I had.
I love and adore Lo and feel as if I have found my soul mate and very best friend. After my divorce nine years ago, I had a couple serious relationships that I thought were the "end-all". They ended all right and left me with scar tissue upon my heart that I never thought would go away or heal. Then along comes this short, lovable, Hispanic man who spit, burped, swore, didn't care about dressing up and seemed completely different from me. I imagined that many who knew both of us thought it was a joke for a while. The two of us together. Seemingly so different. Worlds apart. Little did all of those laughing fools realize that this wonderful man was allowing me to see who he really was...a part of himself that he kept hidden from everyone for fear of having to deal with hurt and pain. To say that the beginning of our relationship was tumultuous is an understatement. Sitting back now however, and looking over our past together, I realize that the only reason this man is alive is because I insisted upon his surgery and I expect him to treat his heart issues and lung issues (COPD and asthma) continuously. For me, and only me...he has.
Let's come back to today...July 1st, and recap the past 5 months. Lo had to stop his factory job because he couldn't breathe and maintain the strength needed to get the job done. A visit into the cardiologist office in February brought more bad news. Test results showed his current pacemaker wasn't functioning as hoped and his heart functioning had dropped to 20%.
He was forced to stopped working even though this presented emotional and financial challenges to him. How would we pay bills? Buy food for my children and the two of us? How could he feel useful and still demonstrate that he was a man that was caring, giving and productive?
I have my own issues. I had to claim a Chapter 13 bankruptcy a couple years ago due to having to begin a new life for my children and myself and having a marital home and our present home to support until the marital home sold (which took two years). I lived on credit cards to survive and found myself years later unable to keep up with the payments when I was stricken with illness four years ago and underwent 11 surgeries in one year! Now, after paying off what I thought was the end of my bankruptcy, I find out from the Trustee that she expects me to pay more and stay in the bankrupcty for the complete five years.
Money was and still is one of the biggest issues that we are dealing with right now. I just count my blessings that as a teacher, I can still provide a beautiful home for my family, put food in their stomachs, have pets that fill my life and a car that even with over 100,000 miles, still gets me securely from place to place. I have friends and family and students that I love and receive love back from. I have my faith in God and that certainly has gotten me through my hardest times.
So, smiling through my tears upon hearing Lo's horrid news, I stated that I knew that God would see us through and we would acclimate ourselves to any surprises that life chose to send our way. I told the kids that we would have to begin cutting costs around the house. I picked up the slack on a couple monthly bills so that Lo could focus on paying his private ones. We would eat out less and eat in more. We would brainstorm on how we could make extra money. We could overcome our present condition and the doctor's would do their part to keep my precious Lo with me....
Did you know that stress can kill? I found that out while being married to my ex. I was chronically ill throughout my marriage. Once the marriage had dissolved into a divorce I had a period of time where I actually felt physically healthy. This, of course, didn't last with my being a very type A personality who stresses over the tiniest thing and my need to "fix" everything.
Beginning in the month of February through now, Lo and I both have gained an immense amount of weight, as have my two children. I guess without realizing it, I was putting more processed foods on the table, eating out while driving in the car because it was easier and the dollar menu in the drive through seemed my saving Grace. Lo couldn't do the physical things that kept his weight off and he snacked constantly and drank the equivalent of 2 liters of pop a day. I found myself baking more pre-made mixes and while I always touted that I was a healthy cook, I never realized that low fat and low calorie mean nothing if the ingredients are high in fructose corn syrup and sodium.
My ankles resembled that of a pygmy elephant and Lo's belly could outdo Old Saint Nick's anytime! We looked like the Weeble family. My daughter who is around my height has put on almost 30 pounds since last year and my son keeps wavering between gains and losses of 20. I couldn't figure out what was happening to us. Maybe I didn't do enough investigating until Lo began to sound like Darth Vader again.
Lo breathes like Darth Vader. He has limited exertion ability and throughout his adult life, hasn't really taken care of himself physically. He sports a very buff physique from the factory work he does for a living; however, the physical I am referring to is the inside of his physical body. He was born with heart issues; two open-heart surgeries before the tender age of two. His mother, God Bless her, did all she could do to keep her son alive. Unfortunately for parents, once our children leave the proverbial nest, our ability to control the health and well being of our adult aged children leaves with our child.
I met Lo in his late 30's and me in my late 40's. I am seven years older than he is but physically, even though I have carried over 120 pounds too much on my 5'6" frame, I could outrun him to the end of the block. I made it clear, once we decided to take our relationship beyond the friendship stage, that I would not commit to anything until he saw a cardiologist to rule out major issues with his heart and his lungs. Did I ever open up a Pandora's Box! Regret? Not a bit.
As we sat in the new cardiologist's office, it was apparent that Lo was agitated. His mom sat with us, wringing her well worked hands together, shedding silent tears while bracing for the news. I could tell there was much that Lo hadn't told me at this point in our relationship. The actions displayed by his mom told me a lot. When the doctor entered the room, he sat down. This is always a red flag to me for this infers there is a lot to discuss.
The doctor explained that the entire, lower portion of Lo's heart wasn't functioning and by a miracle and the grace of God, his heart had reconditioned itself to function with only half. He stated that without a pacemaker, Lo would not live more than a couple years given his current condition. He also wanted Lo to see a lung specialist as he suspected multiple issues given his belabored breathing.
Lo, his mother and I sat silently in the waiting room for a few seconds. His mother began to cry, Lo got agitated over her concern as he began to feel guilty for putting his mother through this nightmare again and I looked at the man that I was falling in love with and wondered if I had done the right thing for any of us. Of course, deep down inside, I knew that I had.
I love and adore Lo and feel as if I have found my soul mate and very best friend. After my divorce nine years ago, I had a couple serious relationships that I thought were the "end-all". They ended all right and left me with scar tissue upon my heart that I never thought would go away or heal. Then along comes this short, lovable, Hispanic man who spit, burped, swore, didn't care about dressing up and seemed completely different from me. I imagined that many who knew both of us thought it was a joke for a while. The two of us together. Seemingly so different. Worlds apart. Little did all of those laughing fools realize that this wonderful man was allowing me to see who he really was...a part of himself that he kept hidden from everyone for fear of having to deal with hurt and pain. To say that the beginning of our relationship was tumultuous is an understatement. Sitting back now however, and looking over our past together, I realize that the only reason this man is alive is because I insisted upon his surgery and I expect him to treat his heart issues and lung issues (COPD and asthma) continuously. For me, and only me...he has.
Let's come back to today...July 1st, and recap the past 5 months. Lo had to stop his factory job because he couldn't breathe and maintain the strength needed to get the job done. A visit into the cardiologist office in February brought more bad news. Test results showed his current pacemaker wasn't functioning as hoped and his heart functioning had dropped to 20%.
He was forced to stopped working even though this presented emotional and financial challenges to him. How would we pay bills? Buy food for my children and the two of us? How could he feel useful and still demonstrate that he was a man that was caring, giving and productive?
I have my own issues. I had to claim a Chapter 13 bankruptcy a couple years ago due to having to begin a new life for my children and myself and having a marital home and our present home to support until the marital home sold (which took two years). I lived on credit cards to survive and found myself years later unable to keep up with the payments when I was stricken with illness four years ago and underwent 11 surgeries in one year! Now, after paying off what I thought was the end of my bankruptcy, I find out from the Trustee that she expects me to pay more and stay in the bankrupcty for the complete five years.
Money was and still is one of the biggest issues that we are dealing with right now. I just count my blessings that as a teacher, I can still provide a beautiful home for my family, put food in their stomachs, have pets that fill my life and a car that even with over 100,000 miles, still gets me securely from place to place. I have friends and family and students that I love and receive love back from. I have my faith in God and that certainly has gotten me through my hardest times.
So, smiling through my tears upon hearing Lo's horrid news, I stated that I knew that God would see us through and we would acclimate ourselves to any surprises that life chose to send our way. I told the kids that we would have to begin cutting costs around the house. I picked up the slack on a couple monthly bills so that Lo could focus on paying his private ones. We would eat out less and eat in more. We would brainstorm on how we could make extra money. We could overcome our present condition and the doctor's would do their part to keep my precious Lo with me....
Did you know that stress can kill? I found that out while being married to my ex. I was chronically ill throughout my marriage. Once the marriage had dissolved into a divorce I had a period of time where I actually felt physically healthy. This, of course, didn't last with my being a very type A personality who stresses over the tiniest thing and my need to "fix" everything.
Beginning in the month of February through now, Lo and I both have gained an immense amount of weight, as have my two children. I guess without realizing it, I was putting more processed foods on the table, eating out while driving in the car because it was easier and the dollar menu in the drive through seemed my saving Grace. Lo couldn't do the physical things that kept his weight off and he snacked constantly and drank the equivalent of 2 liters of pop a day. I found myself baking more pre-made mixes and while I always touted that I was a healthy cook, I never realized that low fat and low calorie mean nothing if the ingredients are high in fructose corn syrup and sodium.
My ankles resembled that of a pygmy elephant and Lo's belly could outdo Old Saint Nick's anytime! We looked like the Weeble family. My daughter who is around my height has put on almost 30 pounds since last year and my son keeps wavering between gains and losses of 20. I couldn't figure out what was happening to us. Maybe I didn't do enough investigating until Lo began to sound like Darth Vader again.
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